Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
