Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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