we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
