I CAN MOONWALK!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
