Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
