i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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