I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
