return my video game
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
