its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
