it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
