Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
