i need an iv and a liver transplant
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
