I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
