How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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