jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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