do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
