Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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