Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
