the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dick very happy bro
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
