Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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