worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
