She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
