I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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