I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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