The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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