rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
