please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
