I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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