Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
