Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
