OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So squirting runs in the family.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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