the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
