this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
