my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This toilet bowl is my home.
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