he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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