Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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