I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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