Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
