Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
