I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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