she was so not down for the gang bang
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
