Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
