I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
