Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't turn off my feet"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
