I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
