Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
