I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
