I want to have your abortion
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
