We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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