So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
