Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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