The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
