Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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