sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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