I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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