Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
