You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
