You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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