i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
