Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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