just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
tell me about the fingering
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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