I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm always down for nudity.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
