Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
