guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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