It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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