everyone is single if you try hard enough
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Text me some of your sweat
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