Don't make out with my wife yet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
