It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
