You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
