No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
